We’re not Japan, but Bangkok has quite a selection of short-time motels, a.k.a love hotels, a.k.a rong raam man root. They see plenty of traffic, there are scores of them all over town and yet you only hear about them when some politician gets a stroke while with a hooker in the Jacuzzi suite. The most significant discovery we made reporting on this story is how curious everyone is about these places of ill repute. Friends and readers were constantly asking, “How was it? When do we see the pictures? What’s it like inside?” The answer: mostly weird and not that sexy. Perhaps that explains why, except for Banana State, we were unable to meet with the management of the hotels profiled here and had to visit them incognito. Our selection is obviously very limited, but it does range from suburban giants and cool boutique rooms to grungy old landmarks in the heart of the city. If the recession has you yearning for some fun and frolics, we hope these quirky rooms give you a few ideas to spice things up.
My Lady Fashion Hotel
My Lady Fashion Hotel definitely stands out from the crowd, with its façade of bright neon lights resembling a giant rubix cube. Inside, its fantasy zone lives up to its name featuring decorated rooms under intriguing themes like Tarzan, Flintstone and Underwater World. Fantasy room rates are B360 for four hours and B730 per night. 289 Moo 5, Mahathai Soi 1, Ramkhamhaeng Rd., 02-539-0644/-8. myladyhotel.com
Banana State
Vibe: This boutique “love hotel” would win an approving nod even from the most prudish of gigs. Banana boasts over 70 tastefully decorated rooms. There’s no tacky painting of sprawled topless ladies on the walls, no smelly carpets, no exotic chairs and no mirrors covering every inch of wall space. They do keep the curtains at the parking, though, just to keep things discreet.
Turn-ons: Banana doesn’t look like a short-time motel. The rooms are clean, tasteful, private and equipped with hotel-standard facilities. In a pinch, your date may forgive you for not booking a suite at the Oriental if you take her here. We especially like the spacious Spa Room, which comes with an outdoor shower, an indoor Jacuzzi, a DVD player and a flat-screen TV. But if you are looking for something a bit more kinky, drive up to the second floor and pick one of the Fantasy Rooms. Flaunt your skills in the ring in the Boxing Room or impress your geeky date and book some time in the Star Wars suite.
Turn-offs: Condoms aren’t included. Instead, you can pick from a Durex condom menu, offering a dozen varieties, at a steep B60 each. Room rates are also higher than its competitors (but that doesn’t seem to bother the well-off customers in their fancy cars). Its distant location could also be a turn-off.
Insider’s tip: Water beds are available in the Madonna and Marilyn rooms.
Rates: Ranging from B340 for three hours in a Banana Bliss room up to B620 for three hours in a Spa Room. As for the Penthouse zone, rates are B1,330 for three hours in a Madonna, Beatles, Elvis or Marilyn themed room, and B2,100 for three hours for the Play Boy room which can comfortably hold 20 people if you fancy a swinging good time.
Cleanliness rating: 5
55/1 Moo 6, Kanjanaphisek Rd., Nonthaburi, 02-459-2121/-4.
www.bananastate.com.
99 Hotel
Vibe: The number 99 probably stands for the average age of the customers. If your grandpa had a gig, this is where he would take her. This place is huge. Row after row after row of curtained-off rooms await, with one old loong to direct you to your place of residence for the next three hours.
Turn-ons: The numerous mirrors (even on the ceiling) and funky chair in every room help spice things up.
Turn-offs: Discovering a lot of women’s hair in the room. Gross! Also, the rooms are quite old, the ceilings low and the amenities suck—no condom.
Insider’s tip: You can access 99 Hotel from Phaya Thai Road but the narrow and dark Soi Ayuthaya 12 (enter from Sri Ayutthaya Road) has an access too and is much more discreet.
Rate: B290 for three hours. B100 for an extra hour.
Cleanliness: 1
35/16 Phaya Thai Rd., Sri Ayutthaya Soi 12, 02-245-2721/-7, 02-640-0501.
For You Inn
Vibe: Kindergarten meets freaky circus. Drive past the tacky neon sign and you’ll find some 20 rooms lined up in rows with canvas red, yellow and blue curtains. The owner seems to have a fetish for Disney characters as the logo is Minnie Mouse with a weird-looking monkey and the walls are covered with doodles of Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse, the Fairy God Mother, Peter Pan and Santa Claus.
Turn-ons: The bathroom can provide some fun and excitement thanks to the see-through bathtub (you can turn on the radio from there, too). Switch off the light in the boudoir and enjoy the water show thanks to the one way mirror into the bathroom. If that fails to turn you on then there are also a couple of porn channels to do the job.
Turn-offs: The pink-lit rooms are pretty small and smell of damp carpet. Shampoo and soap aren’t provided: it’s an extra B150 for a toiletry set.
Insider’s tip: Don’t get down to business too fast. For You Inn’s staff will come knocking at your door at least twice—to collect your pay, to give you the change and to ask whether you want to stay for an additional hour even though you just got there.
Rate: B290 for three hours.
Cleanliness rating: 3
Nakorn In-Rama 5 Rd., Nonthaburi, 02-432-6011
Peep Inn 2 (Ratchada)
Vibe: This is another curtain motel behemoth. As we were scoping the place out incognito we didn’t get the full PR tour, but the fire evacuation plan indicates 120 rooms on the ground floor alone. You can also drive up to the second floor in case you get bored of the options downstairs. Backlit pictures outside each room show you what decor to expect inside.
Turn-ons: The sheer range of themed rooms, from football, to office to Muay Thai ring, alongside the luxe options like Jacuzzi. Located on a bland strip by Siam Niramit, no one will spot you driving in with your gig. The amenities are decent, too: two toothbrushes, and towels, condom, comb, and showercap—all well wrapped and sealed so that you know they’re clean.
Turn-offs: The rate is kind of steep considering the rooms have seen better days and smell a little musty. The bedsheet looked particularly depressing. It might have been clean but it must have been 20 years old.
Insider’s tip: The bell boy told us they’ve had two broken legs in the boxing room. Keep it cool when you show off your high kick.
Rate: B585 for three hours and B195 for an extra hour.
Cleanliness: 2
Tiam Ruam Mitr Rd. next to Siam Niramit, 02-246-0794/-8.
Peep Inn 3 (Sukhumvit 33)
Vibe: Located on the first level of an underground parking lot in Sukhumvit Soi 33, this Peep Inn looks quite tired. The lobby is a flashback to the 60s: old chain-smoking receptionist, a kissing booth with curtains and a large album of faded photos listing the rooms available on the top of the counter. Most of the choices look pretty boring, but we did manage to discover an interesting equestrian-inspired option complete with wooden horses and lucky horseshoes.
Turn-ons: The half-decent bathroom with two towels, two toothbrushes and some tissues (some soap would have been nice, though). More importantly, you can watch two free porn channels to spice up your night. Surprisingly, most places don’t include this service anymore so this is a real plus.
Turn-offs: The rooms are shabby and dirty with a mattress full of holes and stained flower-print bedsheets. As every single piece of furniture is covered with grime, you don’t want to sit—or worse, lie down—anywhere. And frankly, the horse themed room is better suited to a six-year-old’s bedroom than the site for a wild sex romp. The pictured saddled chair wasn’t even available on our visit!
Insider’s tip: Rooms are soundproofed—let it rip.
Rate: B635 for three hours.
Cleanliness rating: 1
Sukhumvit Soi 33, 02-261-4610/-3.
