Olive oil, Vaseline, the black guck a truck driver has on his (or her) hands after changing your flat tire on a desert road—all those things may make for great fantasies, but, in real life, only water-based lubes will safely lubricate without eating through your condom.
Boots Lubrication Jelly
The deal: 50g, B100
In bed: It’s a K-Y clone (same price per gram, too) and like K-Y, with friction it gets sticky, forcing you to add more and more. You’ll get through a tube in two dates.
Taste: Slightly sweet, but still bad.
ForFun (Grape or Strawberry)
The deal: 70ml, B125
In bed: ForFun is the only lube that comes with instructions on how to use it with your condom (a clear six-point illustrated foldout), making it ideal for first-timers. But that smell is way too gross…and conspicuous.
Taste: The grape is more like rubber band, and the strawberry is just as artificial. Yuck.
Durex Play 2-in-1 Massage
The deal: 200ml, B280
In bed: At B1.4 per ml, the most expensive bottle is, in fact, the best deal. It also happens to have the smoothest texture (not for massage, though, contrary to what they advertise). Oh and yes, it’s a sex toy in disguise.
Taste: Bitter with a horrible aftertaste.
K-Y
The deal: 82g, B165
In bed: This stuff was invented for doctors to slap on latex gloves and probe your body or files—not exactly a sensuous product.
Taste: A bit watery, but the chemical kick is still there.
Durex Play Warming Lubricant
The deal: 100ml, B200
In bed: It really does feel warm (and warmer if you blow on it, hence the tacky “Blow to Enhance” sticker).
Taste: The warmth doesn’t translate in taste at all; more acidic than the others.
Durex Play Tingling Lubricant
The deal: 100ml / B200
In bed: Feels cool, like Tiger Balm, and it makes a sticky mess. It’s the only one that requires soap to wash off.
Taste: Like toothpaste—possibly the least disgusting of the bunch.
