If it’s small, why go there? Newflash: small=exclusive! You’ve all heard the adage “good things come in small packages,” right? Here’s culinary proof: a list of the best “tiny tables” (restaurants with 10 or fewer tables) in the city.
Charoen Pochana
Dingy, hidden and Lilliputian in its dining space, this Thai-Chinese seafood specialist impresses food snobs on all counts. Fluorescent office lighting and suitably grubby exterior? Check. Impossible for tourists to find? Yep, check. Less than 10 tables? Uh, yeah, the exact number is five: check. The feeling you are barging in on an innocent family’s home to demand a 10-course meal only intensifies once you open the unmarked swinging door next to the barbershop and walk along a tiny klong to a family home marked by one tiny, almost illegibly hand painted sign in Thai. The sliding door leads to what can only be referred to as a “living room”, replete with television blaring Thai-language cartoons and lone, sad little curtain separating the dining space from the kitchen. No matter. Because this family-run restaurant will be expecting you: all patrons call in advance to ask the chef/patriarch what is “in the market” that day. Otherwise, the chef will go on autopilot and produce what he does best: fried vegetable spring rolls, braised abalone with cabbage, bitter melon stuffed with catfish, hot and spicy pomfret stew and khao na talay (rice topped with seafood). Just don’t make too much noise. The rest of the family could be sleeping.
79/11 Watbanglagaenok, Thonburi, 02-466-3068 (reservations necessary). Open Wed-Mon 11am-2pm, 6pm-midnight.
Jok Kitchen
How many tables? How about one? Yes, this reservation-only Chinese-Thai establishment which appears to be run out of the proprietor-chef’s home only has one table (seating up to about 10), and that one table has been graced by many a luminary on the Bangkok business scene (just ask the gregarious owner). So what if there’s no toilet paper in the bathroom? Or if the tube lighting and plastic-looking tablecloth resemble a backwater Ponderosa after the last trucker has lurched home? The alleyway to Jok’s door may be lined with dank, water-logged shopfronts and patrolled by a small army of rats and cockroaches, but the dishes he cooks up are what really bring the Bangkok glitterati coming back for more: delicately floured slices of snowfish atop a mound of lettuce with a light soy-based sauce, fresh prawns stir-fried with gingko nuts and slivers of tea-smoked duck breast. Even better, the piece de resistance is a veritable bucket of steamed, cracked crabs, ripe with juice, bristling with firm white flesh and made even sweeter with the knowledge that you can’t get any more exclusive than this place.
23 Trok Issaranuphap, Phlap Phla Chai Rd., 02-221-4075, 08-1919-9468, by reservation only. Open daily 11am-7:30pm.
Delicatezza
Okay, this restaurant has 12 tables. But it really looks kind of small, with its no-nonsense table settings, office lighting and resolutely old-granny soundtrack (the sort of stuff your parents sing along to when they’re driving in the car. Cliff Richards, anyone?). Plus, you have to catch Delicatezza now, just before it expands into the bigger, more successful version of itself set to open in a few months’ time deep in the residential bowels of Thong Lor—the Land of Poncey, Expensive Restaurants Seeking to Cater to an Upmarket Crowd. Go, go, go now for the family-style touches this kitchen offers the lucky diner who manages to snag a table on the tiny shophouse floor: the homey vegetable soup, the grilled trout, snow fish in lemon sauce, the grilled veggies—all stuff your mother would make you if she could cook, and if she was Italian. And even the strains of Matt Monroe over the sound system should not deter you from the generous dollop of tiramisu you win at the end of the meal.
351/3 Thonglor, 02-185-2850. Open Mon 5:30pm-11pm, Tue-Sat 11:30-2:30pm, 5:30-11:30pm. BTS Thonglor.
Tonkatsu Katsuichi
If you like heavy food in a cramped setting, well, look no further! This Japanese restaurant specializes in the breaded pork cutlet treat known to Japanese as tonkatsu and to non-Japanese as… breaded pork cutlet. In any case, it’s yummy, deep-fried and fattening, and this little shophouse barely wide enough for an ironing board or three produces the most authentic versions of this dish south of Harajuku and Meguro. All tonkatsu dishes come with a mountain of chopped cabbage, a dab of ultra-hot mustard, and gallons of the sweet tonkatsu sauce that adorn every table. Aside from the thick slabs of breaded pig on offer here (choose between hirekatsu, or lean filet, and roskatsu, or fatty loin, oink oink), go hog-wild with any type of deep-fried delicacy—in case you haven’t guessed, the chefs here are pretty good with the deep-fryer. Check out the croquettes (that’s korokke to the Japanese), which are breadcrumb-crusted balls of air and cheesy goodness. Even better: the kurobata sisomaki, deftly deep-fried slices of pork encased in a crisp layer of Panko and stuffed with shiso (beefsteak) leaves and umeboshi (pickled plum). Try to grab space alongside the long, chocolate-colored bar counter, which vies for space with the one or two sad little tables waitstaff have tried to squeeze in to accommodate Johnny-come-lately customers. Otherwise, you’ll be relegated to the tatami room upstairs.
33/25 Sukhumvit Soi 11, 02-254-9171. Open daily 6pm-1am. BTS Nana.
Xuan Mai
Just in case you think we’re cheating, this place has 10 tables. And just in case you think we’re bluffing, it still serves the best Vietnamese food in town. We’re not biased, even though we are taken with personable FBI agent-turned-chef Meyung Robinson, who takes hospitality to a new level with her on-the-spot recommendations and attention to detail (freshly pickled vegetables, limes imported directly from Hanoi). Despite décor that can only be described as “L.A. stripmall hideaway,” hard-to-find culinary gems like ban xeo, brittle crepes accompanied by fresh greens and cha ca Hanoi (grilled catfish), redolent of fresh dill and homemade fermented shrimp paste, charm the palate. The more well-worn forays into Vietnamese cuisine also get reverential treatment here: fresh shrimp rolls, or goi cuon tom thit come with springroll skins brought in directly from the motherland and pho arrive as steaming bowls of noodles accompanied by fresh flavorings and homemade broth. Here, you can only expect good, solid food: no drama, no fuss and no disappointment—as long as you call ahead for reservations.
32 Sukhumvit Soi 13, 02-251-8389. Open Tue-Sun 11:30am-2:30pm, 6:30pm-midnight. BTS Nana.
It’s Happened to be a Closet
Good luck snagging the table in the minuscule “dining area” on the second floor of this hip faux-vintage clothing store. But if you can, revel in twee details like mismatched cutlery and charming knick-knacks as your friends rummage through stacks of sequined t-shirts. Regulars swear by the Italian pasta dishes and sautéed foie gras.
266/3 Siam Square, Soi 3, 02-658-4696, open Tue-Sun 11am-8:30pm. BTS Siam.
