Love at Lunch?
Mind (not her real name), 32-year-old general manager, is looking to end a barren run after two years without a boyfriend. She tried It’s Just Lunch (02-126-8133/4. www.itsjustlunchbangkok.com) who specialize in setting up dates for busy professionals and promise to “minimize the stress by efficiently working with your busy schedule.”
The Setup
“The first step is an interview at the It’s Just Lunch office with one of their consultants. She asks me to do a lengthy two-page test giving them an overview of what makes me tick. Then it’s time for a one-on-one interview where they ask about my past love life and what I expect from my next relationship. The interviewer is nice, but way too talkative during the interview, thinking for me instead of letting me express what I want. I expected a more friendly, open-minded chat, rather than a consultant-client conversation. After an hour she assures me she has all the info she needs and promises to get back to me in a couple of days with some matches.”
The Choice
“As promised she rings back with the details of two Thai guys with similar lifestyles to mine. She gives me a brief profile of both but no photo. I’m impressed. Both have good jobs, are financially secure and also claim to have interesting hobbies. Two days later they pick one guy for me and set up a lunch date for the following week.”
“Two days before the date, I get a call from the consultant apologizing for my date who has to cancel. But, rather than the other Thai guy, my replacement turns out to be a 36 year old farang. I choose one of two restaurants they suggest and get ready for the big day.”
The Date
“I dress comfy, girly shirt and jeans, and reach the venue 10 minutes early, just in case. He comes on time and is dressed super formal, in a suit, making me feel a little embarassed. We talk a bit and he hands me his business card. It’s then I realize that he’s just on his lunch break while I have the whole afternoon free for this. It makes me feel like I’m meeting a new business partner!”
“As it turns out he owns a business and 80% of our conversation is about business and sport. It’s kind of cool, in that I learn some new things about the corporate world, but it’s a bit of a one track conversation. I don’t like a person who’s obsessed with work. In the end, it’s more like business networking than a date.”
“We end up spending two hours at the hi-so restaurant I unfortunately picked. The dinner is lousy, the service is terrible, and the match isn’t really a match. I actually feel sorry for him since he’s been on 11 or 12 dates using this service, and hasn’t really a found a good match yet (me included).
“At the end of the meal he’s nice enough to pay the bill, even when I try to insist on sharing. He also asks if my business card has my mobile number, but I’m not sure he’s really serious or if he just has good manners and is trying to be nice.”
The Next Step
“I don’t really know if I’d go on a second date with him. About a 30% chance I guess. I mean he’s not that bad; he’s nice and polite. But he’s just being himself and I’m just being me, which, it turns out, doesn’t really work.”
It’s Just Lunch offers two packages: you can choose just to date people in Bangkok (one year costs B32,000) or, if you travel a lot or split your time between cities, pay extra for the dual city dating package (B42,000). This buys you a guaranteed minimum of 12 dates.
Digital Dating
New media assistant, Mhai, 24, is somehow still single. But what better way for her to try and find love than through an online dating agency. She tried Naddate (02-751-5550. Mon-Fri 8:30am-5:30pm. www.naddate.com), one of the biggest and best known online dating websites in Thailand.
The Setup
“I go to the website and sign up for free, though you do get reminders after a few days recommending that you become a paid up member. The free sign-up process involves completing a registration form in Thai (there is also an English option for farangs). The form involves answering personal questions like do you smoke, drink, etc. It’s super long and a little weird. Especially as you have to fill in a 150-word description of the type of person you are looking for and who you are. You also need to post your profile photo—facing forward, no editing and no fancy graphics allowed. This is pretty strict in that they have to approve it before posting it online. Once you’re done, and for no charge, you can send (limited) automatic messages, leave comments on the web board, create a fancy profile page and save your favorite members in your mailbox. You can even leave your email or phone number but you can’t access the online chatting facility (like MSN messenger) unless you pay for membership. I sign up for a six-month premium membership and then have to wait half a day for the payment details to be processed. Then it’s a case of looking for the perfect guy.”
The Choice
“There’s a lot to choose from, so I start narrowing my search down. To start with, I select straight guys between 18-35, who live in Bangkok. The results are quick and I’m pretty amazed when over 1,000 guys pop up. I start narrowing down my hunt by scanning the profile pictures. I see quite a few guys I like the look of and start clicking on their profiles to show them I’m interested. Then I get a little bit bored and start clicking on loads of random people. The guys will get notified that I clicked on them and see that I am interested in talking. I drag my favorite boys (which is a lot) into my personal favorite box, where I can view their profiles at my leisure. After less than a week I realize that over 30 guys are interested and have sent messages, though not many of the ones I’m interested in. I have even had over a hundred boys visiting my page, which makes me feel great. Some even leave a number! I found tons of good-looking guys on the site but most of them are not members and many are a bit weird looking. Even so, I have started getting addicted to browsing the site, looking at guys and chatting to people. This is bad, it’s affecting my work.”
The Date
“I eventually find that I’m chatting with three to four guys via MSN, since it’s much easier and faster than opening the chat service through the dating website. They’re kind of cool and fit me and my interests, but I’ve yet to talk to any of them on the phone or meet someone in person. Then I’m told the deadline for this story is coming up and an editor from BK asks me to call someone to ask for a date. I try a couple of the ones I’ve been chatting too. The first guy is 28 years old, a little bit chubby (which I like) and is an engineer, he even has a hard hat on his profile pic which is kinda funny. He answers when I call, I say a friendly hello and try to be nice but he seems to be in a furious mood. He’s really rude to me, demanding to know what I want? I’m like, ok, let’s talk later and hang up. To be honest, it was just really embarrassing and so horrible; I feel awful. This is like the first time I try to ring a guy, and a stranger as well, and this happens. It really puts me off the whole process. As time goes by, I start to feel a little calmer. I realize this guy must be a real jerk. I decide to forget about him and try to call a couple of the other guys who I’ve been chatting to. But their lines seem busy or no one answer. So I decide not to bother them again. Not a great result from my first few attempts.”
The Next Step
“Despite the setback, I realize I still have five more months of membership, and I will definitely continue using the service. I’ve already managed to get to know many new people, and it’s a fun way to relax after a hard day at work. I also realize that you can’t rush these things. It takes a bit of time to get to know someone just through chatting online. I need longer to see if want to take it to the next stage or not. There’s one guy I have an eye on, so who knows, maybe somehow we can get together or go out in the near future. I also need to get over my prejudice about people who have to use a site like this to find a date. It’s kind of tricky—there are a lot of people using the site; it’s pretty cheap, and you don’t necessarily have to pay to look at people. I’m also a little bit suspicious about how true some of the profile photos are. Still, it is a good first step to get to know a lot people with common interests. I’m not sure about extending my membership period but we’ll see what happens.”
Naddate has two options to choose from: the six-month gold package costs you B499, while the 12-month platinum package is B799. Both packages allow three types of payment method: via bank, credit card or mobile phone.
Still Searching
Lek is a senior specialist in production planning. Still single at 46, he’s really hoping that Bangkok Matching (388 Exchange Tower, 42/F, www.bangkokmatching.com) can help him find someone to grow old with.
The Setup
“I have my first appointment with the matchmaker, Khun Bee, at Starbucks. She seems nice, and we do a little interview so she can find out about my background, from my personality and interests to what kind of woman I want to date. Fortunately, she says that my type should be pretty easy to find (wow, what a relief). Turns out men in my age range are quite a catch—so why have I been single for so long? Then she asks for copies of my ID and, that’s it, we’re done.”
The Choice
“A few days later, Khun Bee sends me one lady’s profile. No picture though. She’s Thai-Chinese, 36, has never married and describes herself as down-to-earth. That sounds nice to me. A day later, I get the profile of another lady, 37, who has two degrees from overseas. Khun Bee gives me both of their cell phone numbers and as they match what I’m looking for, I agree to go on dates with both. She then sets up the place and time for both dates.”
The Date
“A couple of days later, I have my date with the first lady, at 4pm, at Starbucks. I arrive early and she turns up right after me. It’s hardly a dinner date though, she only orders a cup of coffee. She seems kind of quiet and a bit shy. Still, she does complain that the previous matchmaking agency she signed up with was always giving her overrated date profiles. It makes me a little nervous. She asks how come I signed up with this agency and what kind of package I chose. [Lek is actually getting this date for free, for this story] I feel kind of shit that I have to lie to her but I do it anyway. Our date only lasts an hour before she says she has to leave. I pay the bill, and walk her to the BTS station. It was a little awkward and we still don’t know much about each other. I guess she might not be too interested in a second date.”
“The next day I meet the overseas graduate at the same café for lunch. She’s tiny but really charming. Her personality is totally different from the first lady: she’s chatty, smart and fun to be around. I like her straight away. We have a great three-hour date before she has to leave. Fingers crossed that I’ll get a chance to meet her again but I am a little worried as she says she’s often out of town on business.
The Next Step
“Now I have to wait for feedback from Khun Bee. I am excited and, of course, really nervous. It’s not a nice feeling, like I am being judged. When the comments come, Khun Bee tells me that the first lady just wants to be friends. I’m fine with this but what about date number two? Turns out that she’s possibly interested in being more than just friends and wants that second date. Wow, I am relieved and happy! Seems like she has a job out of town but is back in Bangkok every weekend. The distance doesn’t have to be a problem and we can hook up for dinner soon.”
Bangkok Matching has a guaranteed 12 dates/year package. The blind date option costs B42,000 but for B52,000, you can view his/her photo before going out. They also provide a lifetime membership at B140,000 (B240,000 with photos).
Fixed Match
Hareemah Partan, a 27-year-old Muslim housewife was married through a traditional Chinese matchmaker and only met her husband at their engagement party.
Did you go out with anyone else before your marriage?
Actually no. I never had a boyfriend. Some families asked me to marry their son, but my parents didn’t think it was the right time.
How does the matchmaking process work?
I don’t know about other couples. For me, my mother-in-law saw me at a relative’s funeral and felt connected to me. Then she investigated who my parents were and found out that I was still single. She asked people around me to get to know me better. After that, she told her son and he said “OK.” The next step was to contact my parents to make a deal. Once they had agreed, my husband’s family came to my place, gave me a ring and set the date for the wedding.
Do you know your husband before you married?
No! I never met him, didn’t even see a photograph. The first time I saw him is the day we were engaged. My mother-in-law handed me an engagement ring and that was it. The second time was our wedding day, a month later. It’s so funny; I couldn’t actually recognize him at the wedding ceremony.
What are the pros and cons of traditional matchmaking?
Muslim people have to marry a fellow Muslim because we believe that God will give us our soulmate via our parents and relative’s matching. I have a 100% faith in my parents. I know they will match me with the best man they could. My husband and I feel no need to worry about family conflict as the parents from both sides know each other and want the best for their children. So we just skipped the flirting part. The day after the marriage was the first step in getting to know each other.
When did you really fall in love with your husband?
Firstly, we tried to learn each other’s character little by little. When we had our first daughter I realized he is such a great dad. I’ve been more and more impressed by him as I get to know him. We’ve been through good and bad times. I mean, we started as strangers, then became friends and now he is the person I can’t live without.
What would happen if you fell in love with someone who wasn’t a Muslim?
I would run away! (laughs)
Happily Ever After
Panuvit Wibullanon, a 31-year-old marketing specialist, tells us how he finally found the one for him through a matchmaking agency.
Why did you decide to use a matchmaking program?
I’d been single for almost two years and tried looking for the right girl through work. No one seemed right, and my job really didn’t give me a chance to meet new people. So finally, I decided to give an agency a shot. I registered, told them my type and signed up for a three-date package.
How did it pan out?
The first couple of dates I went on really didn’t go very well. I was thinking, “What a waste of money,” and was ready to give up. But then the last date was with my future wife. As soon as we met, I knew she was the right one for me. We saw each other for a year before I proposed.
Will it work for everyone?
Well, I thought it would work for me because the people who use this service are looking for real love. We’re all not so lucky though. Some people have been on ten dates and got nothing, while others have hooked up on their first or second date.
A matchmaking service is perfect for…
Everyone actually. I mean this is just one of many ways to find love. A lot of people work so hard, then find themselves alone in their mid-30s. Don’t let that happen to you.
Scored a date? Make sure you ace it with this how to guide.
