You can actually see the stars from Le Café Siam’s lovely garden, and you might also see stars after receiving the bill. Situated in a dark winding soi that links Chua Ploeng with Rama 4, it’s like love at first sight upon reaching the charming and alluring Le Café Siam. Housed in a lovely colonial setting, with a backdrop of lush tropical greenery, Le Café Siam exudes elegance. Its pale white wall panels, billowing white curtains and precious antiques give it a cozy old-world atmosphere (it also doubles as a gallery that occasionally hosts exhibitions); and both the romantically lit dining area and the open-air terrace are perfect settings for a first date. But beneath the beauty lies inconsistent cooking and overpriced food. You can choose from two compact menus offering either Thai or French food, but don’t order from the Thai one, as the portions are meager, mediocre and expensive. A typical kai pad med ma muang (stir-fried chicken with cashew nuts) sets you back B275, while a bland tom yum is B300. Even the recommended salmon fu (deep-fried minced salmon with mango salad, B380) was disappointing and tiny. The brittle lump of deep-fried salmon actually broke and splashed all over the table after sticking a fork in it and the mango salad on the side was too sweet. The French fare is a bit better, but still some dishes are dreadfully plain—probably because the resident French chef recently quit, and a Thai runs the kitchen now. The Caesar salad (B260) was OK, but not at this price. The chunky grilled lamb chops were reasonably priced at B580, and weren’t bad, but instead of the heap of accompanying soggy fries, we wished there were more vegetables. There are also fancy items like imported French duck breast (B450) and sautéed beef tenderloin with panfried foie gras (B925) if you want to take your chances with even more expensive dishes. The food wasn’t horrible, but it’s certainly not worth its price, although the desserts are up to snuff. After the meal, the waitstaff displays a tray of treats for you to choose from, and while the apple tart tartin (B210) is the best-seller, we preferred the luscious chocolate fondant (B210), served warm with a scoop of chocolate chip ice cream. They also do a good job whipping up a tiramisu (B230) with the right balance of rum and coffee. Service is sweet, too: the staff are attentive and knowledgeable, especially the manager who is eager to recommend and explain dishes. However, a nice setting and good service are, unfortunately, not enough. The food also needs to be delicious, and it isn’t.