Paperweight
The iPhone has a special ability most users are not aware of. If you abuse it too much, such as by downloading programs or hacking functions of the phone without Steve Jobbs’ approval, your phone will automatically turn into a brick.

Unless you manage to find a super-nerdy MBK vendor that will help you un-brick it, our advice it to use it as a chic paperweight or get your rich friends to buy you a new one.

Warding Off Unwanted Individuals
You’re stuck in traffic and the phuang malai boy is approaching. Or you’re walking to the MRT and you see the True Fitness guy lurking at the corner staring at you with paper and pen in hand. What to do? Whip out your phone and start barking into it. Don’t forget to look angry and either bang your head on the wheel (if in a car) or make erratic hand gestures (if walking). Speaking in a foreign language helps too (you can even make one up).

Importance Booster
You’re a big businessman but you still feel like a nobody. You have only 2.5 friends in your 300-capacity address book whom you can lean on. You’re dining alone for the fifth time this week in your neighborhood restaurant. If you’re afraid that the busboys are starting to take pity on you, take out your phone and make random calls to one of your trusty 2.5 friends and pretend to talk business. Or pretend to call someone—just make sure you don’t get a call in the middle of your bogus conversation. There’s this thing called silent mode, you know.