At last, a breakthrough in the political impasse that has paralyzed the country and left countless individuals injured, dead or stuck in bad traffi c. Finally, after days of intense wrangling between the two opposing sides, a solution that is agreeable to both—they will let the nation decide. Five Thai nationals will be put in the old Russian Embassy (which is already equipped with full surveillance capabilities courtesy of the Americans) for four weeks and their lives (yes, even the time spent in the showers) will be broadcast 24/7 on national television. Every week, viewers will get to vote by SMS on who stays and who goes. At the end of it all, the winner gets to be prime minister.

Contestant #1. Somsak, 36, motorcycle taxi driver.
Somsak will be responsible for security and be given full control of the army and police. Can he shoot enough people to make us forget about how bad the government is? Or will he remain neutral in exchange for a new Yamaha Fino?

Contestant #2. Mali, 54, restaurateur. Mali’s portfolio is education and culture. Can she get everyone to live and behave like it’s still 1964? Or will she have to lose face as other contestants continue to eat KFC, play Bejeweled 2 on their iPhone and make snide comments about her crush on Chamlong.

Contestant #3. Simon, 67, English teacher. OK, we lied.
There’s a foreign contestant. At least he’s not Cambodian.
Simon will be given the science portfolio. Will the others adopt his civilization’s enlightened way of life or will his plummeting retirement fund force him to return home and wait on tables?

Contestant #4. Kittichai, 29, marketing executive. Kittichai’s mission is to sell everything and anything: laced milk, extra-legal executions, cookie boxes—he’ll try every trick in the book. Currently, the favorite and tipped to make it to the top, as long as the others don’t unite to throw him out fi rst.

Contestant #5. Pancake, 15, international student. Pancake will be in charge of communications. We’re guessing she’ll ban all publications except Seventeen, all websites except cuteoverload.com, all channels except MTV and all radio stations except UBRadio.net. We’re biased, but our money is on her.

Note: Every SMS originating from the Northeast will count as a half-vote to even things out a bit.