Kongdej Jaruranrasmee The screenwriter of The Letter and Me Myself, as well as the front man of 4Tao Ther, a famous alter band in the 80s, shares his anxieties on the eve of the release of his new movie, Kod.

I never thought I’d be hugging this much in my life until a couple years ago. It might be that I’m married and have kids, but I now hug many times a day. I feel that when we hug, it’s like power from one person gets transferred to the other. It’s like a confi rmation that this person cares about us. It makes me feel safe.

Since I wrote The Letter and other movies in that genre, I’ve been branded as a master of romance. But I’m not. I feel that those movies that I write or direct are about life; they are about struggling for happiness.

I’m not a romantic, unless you mean romantic in the literary sense, like the idealistic Don Quixote.

The world today doesn’t allow us to be very romantic, but I don’t want to be the kind of adult I hated when I was young. I still want some parts of me to live in an ideal world.

I believe that love cures. I have proof, you know; I have a family.

I never seek love for its sweetness, excitement or to get butterfl ies in the stomach, like teenagers do. I think love fulfi lls those who aren’t happy enough, those who feel that something is missing from their life.

I make movies to heal myself; writing a screenplay is like practicing dharma. When I write, I look inside myself through the characters. I get to question myself. There are many moments when I type a sentence, and it makes me stop and think, “So that’s the way it is.”

This therapy works for me, but I can only afford it as long as people go see my movies. That’s why I’m also trying hard to not write a fl op. My movies must make money so that I can continue writing and healing myself.

Kod is about a man who has an extra body part that he doesn’t want—he has three arms. It’s a road movie about him traveling in search of someone to rid him of his extra. But it’s an inner journey, too. It questions what is excess, what is missing in life and how one can be content.

The female character has big breasts and she suffers from this excess flesh, like him. People always look at her breasts, but she wants them to look at her.

When I chose Kratae to play her part, I had no idea that this is exactly how she feels in real life. That’s how others treat her or look at her. So the outcome is incredible. People who see the movie will never look at Kratae in the same way again.

Writing a song is like meditation. It has nothing to do with sales or pleasing the audience. That’s why my band spends seven or eight years on every album.

Every band member has a day job, so we make music without worrying about fame or money.

We began more than 10 years ago, and artists in those days were truly poor. My band would cook a pack of instant noodles and share it.

We don’t feel like real artists because we are terrible musicians. My band sucks, seriously. We can’t play other people’s songs. I only play the guitar to be able to compose my own songs.

Every time we go on stage, we sweat. Our feet are wet, our hands are wet, our socks are wet and our feet stink at the end of the performance.

We understand that live performances are important to launch an album, but we don’t really like it. We do it for fun, but we’re not good at it.

I’m a workaholic. If I don’t work, I feel like I’m dying. I’m like, “Oh, this is life? I just live to breathe?”

But lately, I’ve begun to change. You know, I have kids, so I have to work harder, even by my workaholic standards. Sometimes, I even crave moments when I can just live to breathe for a day. I want to watch the pile of DVDs I bought, to fi nish the book I’m reading.

As a grown-up, you discover that there’s no free time anymore. There will never be a day when you can fi nish all your work and be free.

If you want a break, take it now. Even if you have work piled up in front of you, just throw it away and rest.

Parents are all the same. Even though the kid isn’t cute, the parents feel he is. But my twins, they are really cute. Interview by Saransri Prawatpattanakul