Out with casual sex, in with high-tech self-gratification

Fear of HIV, your wife threatening to cut it off and feed it to ducks if you stick it into a stranger, or just a lack of partner(s)—there are many reasons a boy might want to have a little solo action. But, past the age of 14, the fun provided by your hand (even the left one) wears out real fast. Latex pussies (Fleshlights, www.fleshlight.com) have been around for a while, but by making them disposable, canning them, pre-lubing them and taking their design into the space-age, Japanese firm Tenga (now distributed in Thailand through www.tenga.co.th) claims that they’ve reinvented the wheel. Four BK writers (with willies) put them to test.

Soft Tube Cup (ref. TOC-0020, B350)

The little icon on the Soft Tube’s packaging indicates that it’s supposed to feel like someone is sitting on you. Close enough. Your penis is wrapped in a soft, yet textured and tight, jelly that has little knobs on its surface that are particularly effective at stimulating your “head.” The true originality of the Soft Tube, though, compared to the other models, is that you can squeeze it to set the amount of pressure yourself—just like in a good ol’ fashioned handjob. In fact, unless you’re really micro-phallic, no squeezing is necessary. This is not supposed to replicate a nostril after all! Our tip: keep it in a warm place before play. That gel can feel a bit icky when cold.

Deep Throat Cup (ref. TOC-001, B350)

This marvel of modern science is designed to replicate an oral experience. A hole on the far end allows you to regulate the strength of your virtual partner’s “sucking,” but what the Tenga engineers really deserve credit for is the frighteningly realistic sound. Thus, this model isn’t ideal for a secret wank—when your partner is sleeping, late night at the office or in a movie theater, for example. Though not as clingy as the Air Cushion Cup, or the “Bitter Side” of the Double Hole Cup, the Deep Throat Cup is a pretty snug fit thanks to a couple of special narrow “tightening zones,” one outfitted with “silky ripples” and the other with “grainy ripples.”

US Tenga Deep Throat Cup (ref. TOC-001 US, B400)

This “US-sized” model is identical to the Deep Throat Cup but, from the outside, looks to be 1/3 bigger. Extexnal cues (shoe size? mixed African ancestry?) led the test pilot of this model to be (erroneously) assigned a cup built to accommodate larger members. Suffice it to say there was plenty of friction anyway. Although one is supposed to feel as though one is being swallowed, the overall experience (aside from the loud slurping sounds) isn’t much different from penetrative sex—better, even. And if you’ve always wanted to dip your stick without a condom, this is a riskfree way to find out what it’s like.

Double Hole Cup (ref. TOC-004, B550)

This Tenga has two holes, just like, well, you know. The Sweet Side would be the front (it provides a more beady, rolling sensation) while the Bitter Side offers a slightly tighter, ridged feel. We couldn’t resist the idea of double-teaming it with a friend but then quickly fell prey to the temptation of using the Tengas Nature blessed us with. At this point, the Tenga can act as your personal “fluffer” (the helping hands and mouths that, off-screen, make sure actors in porn movies stay rock hard). It’s also an opportunity for a truly safe-sex threesome for those couples that want new holes without having to deal with actual human beings.

D-I-Y Tenga

Put these ingredients together for some homemade fun.