Don’t Steal, People!
Don’t Steal, People!
June 15th, 2007 Pancake, our 15-year-old international school correspondent, is back with another
report from the trenches.
Hey guys! Omigod, what is happening out there? The other morning my BFF Jiab almost got mugged! She was up super early—like 6:30—to hit her yoga class (I can’t believe she was up that early, either, but I guess the instructor is a hottie), and her Benz was in the soi because her loser brother came home wasted again and parked his Jazz so she couldn’t fit her car inside the gate. Anyways, when she was trying to open the door, this really, really gross, like, homeless guy tries to grab her white LV bag!
So they were fighting and he cut Jiab with a broken bottle and she was bleeding, which pissed her off even more, so she got all, like, a superheroine and kicked him in the balls. Yeah, girl power!
But isn’t that, like, sooo scary?! What is wrong with people these days? It’s, like, everybody is becoming a criminal. There was that one guy who cut his thumb off to get insurance money. His own thumb!! Eeew. Can I just tell you how gross that is?
It’s not like I would be caught dead in a gold shop, but now I’m fully scared to even walk past them. You never know when some yaa baa addict is going to be in one trying to rob the place. You know, a lot of these guys have guns, and now the nongs at the gold shops have guns, too. As if they’re gonna know how to shoot after being trained by the cops for, like, one morning. These are real human lives, people—not video games!
And then there was that farang kii nok who tried to extort money out of Tesco-Lotus. He was, like, “Send me money or I’ll poison your yogurt.” Hello? What an idiot! He should have tried a nice supermarket, like Villa or Tops Marketplace. Du-uh.
Why can’t we all live in peace and be happy with what we have? I mean, I only have a 4GB Nano, but you don’t see me, like, robbing people so I can buy the 8GB, do you? No! I can wait until my next trip to Singapore. Anyways, my friend in New York is gonna bring me the new iPhone when it comes out in the US. That will be so sweet.
The point is that we all have to be patient. Because good things come to those
who wait—just like in that song. Don’t be greedy, everybody!
.jpg "Escape Routes: Nov14, 2008")
