Dear Mr. KIA: You know the Beijing Olympics are coming. My family is Chinese-Thai so they are pretty psyched about the whole thing. They have already planned a trip for the whole family to go there during the games. Thing is, since I’m going to be spending almost a month there, I need to prep up my Chinese. I want to be able to read basic signs and at least converse with the locals. They’re going to laugh at me, seeing a Chinese that can’t speak the lingo. Mr. KIA please help!—Desperate Chinese Girl

Dear DCG: Well I’m glad you and your family are proud of your heritage. And don’t let those people in Tibet spoil your fun—getting invaded has its bright sides. Like, they get to learn Chinese for free! Unfortunately, Thailand being the Land of the Free, you’ll have to pay up to speak the tongue of Confucius

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OKLS school (B/F, Fortune Town, Ratchadapisek Rd., 02-642-1048) stands for Oriental Knowledge and Language School. They offer basic Chinese and calligraphy courses that include numbers and writing short blessings. Classes are Sat 2-4pm and cost B2,500 for 10 hours. Stationery is not included (B20 for black ink, B35 for papers, B157 for paintbrush and B100 for inkpad). Initial fee is B300.

Beijing Normal University School (Rm. 1875, 4/F, Y Bldg., Suan Lum Night Bazaar, 02-252-0912/-3) has courses conducted by native Chinese teachers (but translators are  available) and offers private classes at B500/hour. Or you can set up a group of six (or more) and pay B3,600 for a 30-hour course. You’ll have to pay extra here too: B100-1,000 for a paintbrush, B100 for Chinese ink.

i-Ce Chinese school (Rm. 320 Tang-Hua-Pak Bldg., 3/F, Rama 4 Rd., 02-639-4445) offers private calligraphy and basic Chinese language courses by native speakers (who can also speak Thai). Classes cost B700/hour, B13,000 for 20 hours and 24,000 for 40 hours (excluding B300 fee and B100 for textbook).